i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize