I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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