Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
