I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
