Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize