I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
