i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
