I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
