Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
