watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
