We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
