True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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