he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
