I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
