if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The air was thick with penises
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
