My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
