I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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