K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
