So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
