where am i from again
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
