I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
