were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
