A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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