Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It was a blind-side dick pic.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
