fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
