you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I know her cup size but not her name....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
