Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
how drunk are you?
Several
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
