Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
