11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize