giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
