yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
