just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
