i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
