my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
