he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
