What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
