Jerry, you need to find god
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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