i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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