The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
