she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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