Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
