It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
