I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
