He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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