They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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