I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
