I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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