I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
