i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
