I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
