Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
