Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
