It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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