The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
