he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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