i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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