i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
