Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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