I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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