if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
