she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
