That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
