Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
