My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
