Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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