Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
