Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
