The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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