Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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