i barfeds in our rink
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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