my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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