well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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