So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
