Will you blow on my dice?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
