Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
