cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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