you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
