I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
