I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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