I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
