My pussy is not your playground.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
