All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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