everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
