i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
